Re: Re: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
From: "Mr M Nicalls"
To: "Michael Landfill"
Subject: Re: Re: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
Date: Sun, 17th Sep 2006 23:54:35
Dear Mr. Landfill
Listen mate. All of that stuff you mentioned in your last letter IS the book. I’m not taking any of it out. That’s exactly the kind of stuff that people want to read. You should try shutting your face more often.
Don’t contact me again.
Up yours
Mr. M Nicalls
Senior Partner of Gorillaz
P.S. Just make shure the book is released on Oct 26th. Or it’s curtains for the lot of you.
>From: "Michael Landfill"
>To: "Mr M Nicalls"
>Subject: Re: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>Date: Fri, 15th Sep 2006 12:43:12
>
>Dear Mr. Nicalls
>
>Thank you for your swift, if somewhat belligerent reply, dated 14th September 2006. I do hope that the unnecessary and unhelpful tone featured in your last letter won’t continue. We have many issues to resolve before our legal team will even be close to a position to sign off on the Gorillaz book on Penguin’s behalf. If this does delay the release date of Oct 26th for Rise of the Ogre, then so be it.
>
>The full list of contentious issues in your memoirs reads as follows:
>
>· Issue One.
>‘The Alan Incident’ as described on page 16 of the book. As previously mentioned, immediate clarification is required.
>
>· Issue Two.
>We have received complaint from Stoke-on-Trent tourist board. Throughout the book’s first chapter, the town is variously describes as being…’rancid’, ‘festering’, ‘disease-ridden’, a ‘stinking borough’ and a ‘bubonic hamlet’.
>
>The Stoke tourist board is extremely upset and are considering legal action in response to this description, their contention being it is defamatory to the image of Stoke as an up-and-coming youth-focused community town. The favoured vision, they say, is far more successfully represented by that nice young Robbie Williams boy, than a chain-smoking, foul-smelling Satanist with serious behavioural problems.
>
>· Issue Three
>The popular recording star and ‘Spender’ actor Jimmy Nail, has categorically denied ever playing the concert at The Withered Hand pub as a part of your ‘Cream Of Stoke’- Festival in 1994. This is pictured on Page 17 in your concert poster for the event, in which additionally you are seen to be wearing high heeled women’s shoes and a Skid Row T-shirt which his representatives are asserting is a misleading and derogatory association to be made with their client.
>
>· Issue Four >On Page 67, there’s appears to be a photographic representation of a naked man’s buttocks. Is this an essential inclusion in the book? Further – has the person displayed in this manner been identified and aware of his forthcoming appearance in “Rise of the Ogre”?
>
>· Issue Five
>Chart-rigging is a very serious issue. However on Page 77 you openly claim that you personally bought 17,500 copies of your own debut album in order to guarantee a high chart position. I must remind you that any practises of this kind are illegal and may have further repercussions on future Gorillaz releases. Do you wish to withdraw this assertion?
>
>· Issue Six
>The RSPCA are very alarmed at the use of a live eel in the making of the Gorillabite sketch, “The Eel” as recounted on Page 107. You graphically describe burning the head of the eel as a demonstration for how to kill it in preparation for cooking. Please confirm whether the eel in question was a theatrical prop or not.
>
>· Issue Seven
>Has there been a deliberate attempt to make Shane Lynch look boss-eyed on page 157?
>
>· Issue Eight >On page 214 the artists ‘De La Soul’ are described as ‘laughing their big faces off’ during the making of the Feel Good Inc video. Given that De La Soul don’t have particularly big faces and this could be viewed as defamatory material, this should now be corrected to ‘laughing their normal-sized faces off’.
>
>· Issue Nine
>Dennis Hopper has expressed discontent about the alleged muppet jumping in his pool on page 269 and was unaware of this occurrence at the time. He now requests that you and the other Gorillaz members release the images of the incident to his legal team forthwith, so he can discover the true identity of the secret muppet pool jumper.
>
>· Issue Ten
>Madonna feels your drawing of her at the Grammy’s on page 268 is “talentless, infantile and not an accurate likeness” She has conceded however, that the shoes are quite accurate. Nevertheless, she would like the picture either removed from the book, or completed to a far higher degree of precision. “Make her look more saucy” I think were her representative’s exact words.
>
>· Issue Eleven
>Ms. Paula Cracker, the original guitarist of Gorillaz, has contacted our offices to inform us that she’s not mentally unwell. In this instance however, I am prepared to let this issue go, as I am confident your assessment of her could probably be successfully argued.
>
>· Issue Twelve
>On Page 126, your description of the Gorillaz concert in Mexico in which you allege that 23 members of the audience were trapped under a giant inflatable prop, does not tally with the accounts of the owners of the venue. They feel that this compromises their reputation as a safe family concert hall.
>
>· Issue Thirteen
>The thinly disguised writer described as being a ‘flatulent Goth’ and ‘chubby, man-breasted clown-haired gonk’ on page 72, could possibly voice a serious objection at a later date.
>
>· Issue Fourteen
>You intimate on page 118, that you initiated successful sexual advances towards both Minogue sisters - Kylie and Dannii – in your mobile home after performing at the Brits in 2002. I have since received written confirmation that neither of them would go anywhere near you and they view this as not only libellous but dangerously delusional.
>
>· Issue Fifteen
>Damon Albarn has never worn Cuban heeled boots, as you are well aware. You recount a meeting between yourself and Mr. Albarn in which he challenges you on the quality of your boots, whilst displaying his own far superior pair. It is highly unlikely that this event really took place at all.
>
>
>Lastly, it only leaves me to demand an immediate correction or clarification of these issues. I strongly suggest that all of the above is removed in order for us to proceed with the release of the Gorillaz autobiography “Rise of The Ogre” on the Oct 26th date. Please let me know how you would like to resolve these issues.
>
>
>Kindest Regards
>
>Michael Landfill
>
>Partner
>
>
>
>>From: "Mr M Nicalls"
>>To: "Michael Landfill"
>>Subject: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>>Date: Thu, 14th Sep 2006 03:42:52
>>
>>Dear Mr. Landfill
>>
>>Thank you so much for your toffee-nosed “crawley-crawley-bumlick” note, marked September 13th 2006, snivellingly kissing my multi-talented arse. I know it’s a good book. I’ve not only read it, but lived it and written it too, so it’s got ‘quality’ stamped all over it.
>>
>>In regards to the whole Alan Sugar ‘tuba-playing’ incident, it’s my word against his. I say it probably happened. Or it possibly could have been one of those AMSTRAD looky-likey’s.
>>
>>But I’m pretty sure it was him. If not it was Rory Bremner. Anyway, look, don’t even think about postponing the release date of the Gorillaz autobiography. If it’s not out on October 26th this year, I will personally see to it that you and all the other Pingu-based personnel are made to eat any leftover copies that are not adorning the shelves of bookshops nationwide.
>>
>>Hope this helps, and please if you require any further information, please do hesitate before bothering me again.
>>
>>Up yours truly
>>
>>Mr. M Nicalls
>>
>>
>>Senior Partner of Gorillaz
>>
>>
>>
>>>From: "Michael Landfill"
>>>To: "Mr M Nicalls"
>>>Subject: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>>>Date: Wed, 13th Sep 2006 12:12:41
>>>
>>>Dear Mr. Nicalls
>>>
>>>I am writing on behalf of our clients, Penguin Books, the publishers of the Gorillaz autobiography, in the capacity as their legal representatives. Firstly allow me to congratulate both you and your Gorillaz cohorts on your truly remarkable autobiography “Rise of the Ogre”. Surely this will stand as one of the great biographical tales of our time - it is a fantastically thrilling account, so beautifully illustrated and abounding with excitement and dynamism.
>>>
>>>Unfortunately before we can allow this intriguing, if somewhat colourfully and graphically described, account of the rise to stardom of your band Gorillaz to progress further, the legal team over here have flagged a couple of potential issues that may come back to bite us if not dealt with prior to release. Primarily the matter of Sir Alan Sugar’s ‘vigourous trombone-ing’ that you claim on page 16 was a business proposition made to you as a young man. Was his offer of £100 pounds to deliver the implied carnal act a genuine and verifiable suggestion, or was this purely anecdotal in nature? Perhaps simply a misconstrued humourous aside, made after imbibing too much alcohol?
>>>
>>>Our concern is that this could be viewed as a slur on Sir Sugar’s good name, and given that he is a man of not inconsiderable influence, should he choose to, he could commence legal proceedings that would take Gorillaz and Penguin through the courts ad infinitum. We hope you understand that this puts us in a very difficult position regarding the imminent release of the book on October 26th 2006.
>>>
>>>Where possible please supply concrete evidence to support your claim, in a form that will withstand legal scrutiny and enable us to proceed without fear of litigation and with no possible delay to your book’s impending and much anticipated launch.
>>>
>>>I would appreciate a swift and full response.
>>>
>>>
>>>Kindest Regards
>>>
>>>Michael Landfill
>>>
>>>Partner
To: "Michael Landfill"
Subject: Re: Re: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
Date: Sun, 17th Sep 2006 23:54:35
Dear Mr. Landfill
Listen mate. All of that stuff you mentioned in your last letter IS the book. I’m not taking any of it out. That’s exactly the kind of stuff that people want to read. You should try shutting your face more often.
Don’t contact me again.
Up yours
Mr. M Nicalls
Senior Partner of Gorillaz
P.S. Just make shure the book is released on Oct 26th. Or it’s curtains for the lot of you.
>From: "Michael Landfill"
>To: "Mr M Nicalls"
>Subject: Re: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>Date: Fri, 15th Sep 2006 12:43:12
>
>Dear Mr. Nicalls
>
>Thank you for your swift, if somewhat belligerent reply, dated 14th September 2006. I do hope that the unnecessary and unhelpful tone featured in your last letter won’t continue. We have many issues to resolve before our legal team will even be close to a position to sign off on the Gorillaz book on Penguin’s behalf. If this does delay the release date of Oct 26th for Rise of the Ogre, then so be it.
>
>The full list of contentious issues in your memoirs reads as follows:
>
>· Issue One.
>‘The Alan Incident’ as described on page 16 of the book. As previously mentioned, immediate clarification is required.
>
>· Issue Two.
>We have received complaint from Stoke-on-Trent tourist board. Throughout the book’s first chapter, the town is variously describes as being…’rancid’, ‘festering’, ‘disease-ridden’, a ‘stinking borough’ and a ‘bubonic hamlet’.
>
>The Stoke tourist board is extremely upset and are considering legal action in response to this description, their contention being it is defamatory to the image of Stoke as an up-and-coming youth-focused community town. The favoured vision, they say, is far more successfully represented by that nice young Robbie Williams boy, than a chain-smoking, foul-smelling Satanist with serious behavioural problems.
>
>· Issue Three
>The popular recording star and ‘Spender’ actor Jimmy Nail, has categorically denied ever playing the concert at The Withered Hand pub as a part of your ‘Cream Of Stoke’- Festival in 1994. This is pictured on Page 17 in your concert poster for the event, in which additionally you are seen to be wearing high heeled women’s shoes and a Skid Row T-shirt which his representatives are asserting is a misleading and derogatory association to be made with their client.
>
>· Issue Four >On Page 67, there’s appears to be a photographic representation of a naked man’s buttocks. Is this an essential inclusion in the book? Further – has the person displayed in this manner been identified and aware of his forthcoming appearance in “Rise of the Ogre”?
>
>· Issue Five
>Chart-rigging is a very serious issue. However on Page 77 you openly claim that you personally bought 17,500 copies of your own debut album in order to guarantee a high chart position. I must remind you that any practises of this kind are illegal and may have further repercussions on future Gorillaz releases. Do you wish to withdraw this assertion?
>
>· Issue Six
>The RSPCA are very alarmed at the use of a live eel in the making of the Gorillabite sketch, “The Eel” as recounted on Page 107. You graphically describe burning the head of the eel as a demonstration for how to kill it in preparation for cooking. Please confirm whether the eel in question was a theatrical prop or not.
>
>· Issue Seven
>Has there been a deliberate attempt to make Shane Lynch look boss-eyed on page 157?
>
>· Issue Eight >On page 214 the artists ‘De La Soul’ are described as ‘laughing their big faces off’ during the making of the Feel Good Inc video. Given that De La Soul don’t have particularly big faces and this could be viewed as defamatory material, this should now be corrected to ‘laughing their normal-sized faces off’.
>
>· Issue Nine
>Dennis Hopper has expressed discontent about the alleged muppet jumping in his pool on page 269 and was unaware of this occurrence at the time. He now requests that you and the other Gorillaz members release the images of the incident to his legal team forthwith, so he can discover the true identity of the secret muppet pool jumper.
>
>· Issue Ten
>Madonna feels your drawing of her at the Grammy’s on page 268 is “talentless, infantile and not an accurate likeness” She has conceded however, that the shoes are quite accurate. Nevertheless, she would like the picture either removed from the book, or completed to a far higher degree of precision. “Make her look more saucy” I think were her representative’s exact words.
>
>· Issue Eleven
>Ms. Paula Cracker, the original guitarist of Gorillaz, has contacted our offices to inform us that she’s not mentally unwell. In this instance however, I am prepared to let this issue go, as I am confident your assessment of her could probably be successfully argued.
>
>· Issue Twelve
>On Page 126, your description of the Gorillaz concert in Mexico in which you allege that 23 members of the audience were trapped under a giant inflatable prop, does not tally with the accounts of the owners of the venue. They feel that this compromises their reputation as a safe family concert hall.
>
>· Issue Thirteen
>The thinly disguised writer described as being a ‘flatulent Goth’ and ‘chubby, man-breasted clown-haired gonk’ on page 72, could possibly voice a serious objection at a later date.
>
>· Issue Fourteen
>You intimate on page 118, that you initiated successful sexual advances towards both Minogue sisters - Kylie and Dannii – in your mobile home after performing at the Brits in 2002. I have since received written confirmation that neither of them would go anywhere near you and they view this as not only libellous but dangerously delusional.
>
>· Issue Fifteen
>Damon Albarn has never worn Cuban heeled boots, as you are well aware. You recount a meeting between yourself and Mr. Albarn in which he challenges you on the quality of your boots, whilst displaying his own far superior pair. It is highly unlikely that this event really took place at all.
>
>
>Lastly, it only leaves me to demand an immediate correction or clarification of these issues. I strongly suggest that all of the above is removed in order for us to proceed with the release of the Gorillaz autobiography “Rise of The Ogre” on the Oct 26th date. Please let me know how you would like to resolve these issues.
>
>
>Kindest Regards
>
>Michael Landfill
>
>Partner
>
>
>
>>From: "Mr M Nicalls"
>>To: "Michael Landfill"
>>Subject: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>>Date: Thu, 14th Sep 2006 03:42:52
>>
>>Dear Mr. Landfill
>>
>>Thank you so much for your toffee-nosed “crawley-crawley-bumlick” note, marked September 13th 2006, snivellingly kissing my multi-talented arse. I know it’s a good book. I’ve not only read it, but lived it and written it too, so it’s got ‘quality’ stamped all over it.
>>
>>In regards to the whole Alan Sugar ‘tuba-playing’ incident, it’s my word against his. I say it probably happened. Or it possibly could have been one of those AMSTRAD looky-likey’s.
>>
>>But I’m pretty sure it was him. If not it was Rory Bremner. Anyway, look, don’t even think about postponing the release date of the Gorillaz autobiography. If it’s not out on October 26th this year, I will personally see to it that you and all the other Pingu-based personnel are made to eat any leftover copies that are not adorning the shelves of bookshops nationwide.
>>
>>Hope this helps, and please if you require any further information, please do hesitate before bothering me again.
>>
>>Up yours truly
>>
>>Mr. M Nicalls
>>
>>
>>Senior Partner of Gorillaz
>>
>>
>>
>>>From: "Michael Landfill"
>>>To: "Mr M Nicalls"
>>>Subject: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>>>Date: Wed, 13th Sep 2006 12:12:41
>>>
>>>Dear Mr. Nicalls
>>>
>>>I am writing on behalf of our clients, Penguin Books, the publishers of the Gorillaz autobiography, in the capacity as their legal representatives. Firstly allow me to congratulate both you and your Gorillaz cohorts on your truly remarkable autobiography “Rise of the Ogre”. Surely this will stand as one of the great biographical tales of our time - it is a fantastically thrilling account, so beautifully illustrated and abounding with excitement and dynamism.
>>>
>>>Unfortunately before we can allow this intriguing, if somewhat colourfully and graphically described, account of the rise to stardom of your band Gorillaz to progress further, the legal team over here have flagged a couple of potential issues that may come back to bite us if not dealt with prior to release. Primarily the matter of Sir Alan Sugar’s ‘vigourous trombone-ing’ that you claim on page 16 was a business proposition made to you as a young man. Was his offer of £100 pounds to deliver the implied carnal act a genuine and verifiable suggestion, or was this purely anecdotal in nature? Perhaps simply a misconstrued humourous aside, made after imbibing too much alcohol?
>>>
>>>Our concern is that this could be viewed as a slur on Sir Sugar’s good name, and given that he is a man of not inconsiderable influence, should he choose to, he could commence legal proceedings that would take Gorillaz and Penguin through the courts ad infinitum. We hope you understand that this puts us in a very difficult position regarding the imminent release of the book on October 26th 2006.
>>>
>>>Where possible please supply concrete evidence to support your claim, in a form that will withstand legal scrutiny and enable us to proceed without fear of litigation and with no possible delay to your book’s impending and much anticipated launch.
>>>
>>>I would appreciate a swift and full response.
>>>
>>>
>>>Kindest Regards
>>>
>>>Michael Landfill
>>>
>>>Partner