Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
From: "Mr M Nicalls"
To: "Michael Landfill"
Subject: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
Date: Thu, 14th Sep 2006 03:42:52
Dear Mr. Landfill
Thank you so much for your toffee-nosed “crawley-crawley-bumlick” note, marked September 13th 2006, snivellingly kissing my multi-talented arse. I know it’s a good book. I’ve not only read it, but lived it and written it too, so it’s got ‘quality’ stamped all over it.
In regards to the whole Alan Sugar ‘tuba-playing’ incident, it’s my word against his. I say it probably happened. Or it possibly could have been one of those AMSTRAD looky-likey’s.
But I’m pretty sure it was him. If not it was Rory Bremner. Anyway, look, don’t even think about postponing the release date of the Gorillaz autobiography. If it’s not out on October 26th this year, I will personally see to it that you and all the other Pingu-based personnel are made to eat any leftover copies that are not adorning the shelves of bookshops nationwide.
Hope this helps, and please if you require any further information, please do hesitate before bothering me again.
Up yours truly
Mr. M Nicalls
Senior Partner of Gorillaz
From: "Michael Landfill"
>To: "Mr M Nicalls"
>Subject: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>Date: Wed, 13th Sep 2006 12:12:41
>
>Dear Mr. Nicalls
>
>I am writing on behalf of our clients, Penguin Books, the publishers of the Gorillaz autobiography, in the capacity as their legal representatives. Firstly allow me to congratulate both you and your Gorillaz cohorts on your truly remarkable autobiography “Rise of the Ogre”. Surely this will stand as one of the great biographical tales of our time - it is a fantastically thrilling account, so beautifully illustrated and abounding with excitement and dynamism.
>
>Unfortunately before we can allow this intriguing, if somewhat colourfully and graphically described, account of the rise to stardom of your band Gorillaz to progress further, the legal team over here have flagged a couple of potential issues that may come back to bite us if not dealt with prior to release. Primarily the matter of Sir Alan Sugar’s ‘vigourous trombone-ing’ that you claim on page 16 was a business proposition made to you as a young man. Was his offer of £100 pounds to deliver the implied carnal act a genuine and verifiable suggestion, or was this purely anecdotal in nature? Perhaps simply a misconstrued humourous aside, made after imbibing too much alcohol?
>
>Our concern is that this could be viewed as a slur on Sir Sugar’s good name, and given that he is a man of not inconsiderable influence, should he choose to, he could commence legal proceedings that would take Gorillaz and Penguin through the courts ad infinitum. We hope you understand that this puts us in a very difficult position regarding the imminent release of the book on October 26th 2006.
>
>Where possible please supply concrete evidence to support your claim, in a form that will withstand legal scrutiny and enable us to proceed without fear of litigation and with no possible delay to your book’s impending and much anticipated launch.
>
>I would appreciate a swift and full response.
>
>
>Kindest Regards
>
>Michael Landfill
>
>Partner
To: "Michael Landfill"
Subject: Re: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
Date: Thu, 14th Sep 2006 03:42:52
Dear Mr. Landfill
Thank you so much for your toffee-nosed “crawley-crawley-bumlick” note, marked September 13th 2006, snivellingly kissing my multi-talented arse. I know it’s a good book. I’ve not only read it, but lived it and written it too, so it’s got ‘quality’ stamped all over it.
In regards to the whole Alan Sugar ‘tuba-playing’ incident, it’s my word against his. I say it probably happened. Or it possibly could have been one of those AMSTRAD looky-likey’s.
But I’m pretty sure it was him. If not it was Rory Bremner. Anyway, look, don’t even think about postponing the release date of the Gorillaz autobiography. If it’s not out on October 26th this year, I will personally see to it that you and all the other Pingu-based personnel are made to eat any leftover copies that are not adorning the shelves of bookshops nationwide.
Hope this helps, and please if you require any further information, please do hesitate before bothering me again.
Up yours truly
Mr. M Nicalls
Senior Partner of Gorillaz
From: "Michael Landfill"
>To: "Mr M Nicalls"
>Subject: potential issues with R.O.T.O Book
>Date: Wed, 13th Sep 2006 12:12:41
>
>Dear Mr. Nicalls
>
>I am writing on behalf of our clients, Penguin Books, the publishers of the Gorillaz autobiography, in the capacity as their legal representatives. Firstly allow me to congratulate both you and your Gorillaz cohorts on your truly remarkable autobiography “Rise of the Ogre”. Surely this will stand as one of the great biographical tales of our time - it is a fantastically thrilling account, so beautifully illustrated and abounding with excitement and dynamism.
>
>Unfortunately before we can allow this intriguing, if somewhat colourfully and graphically described, account of the rise to stardom of your band Gorillaz to progress further, the legal team over here have flagged a couple of potential issues that may come back to bite us if not dealt with prior to release. Primarily the matter of Sir Alan Sugar’s ‘vigourous trombone-ing’ that you claim on page 16 was a business proposition made to you as a young man. Was his offer of £100 pounds to deliver the implied carnal act a genuine and verifiable suggestion, or was this purely anecdotal in nature? Perhaps simply a misconstrued humourous aside, made after imbibing too much alcohol?
>
>Our concern is that this could be viewed as a slur on Sir Sugar’s good name, and given that he is a man of not inconsiderable influence, should he choose to, he could commence legal proceedings that would take Gorillaz and Penguin through the courts ad infinitum. We hope you understand that this puts us in a very difficult position regarding the imminent release of the book on October 26th 2006.
>
>Where possible please supply concrete evidence to support your claim, in a form that will withstand legal scrutiny and enable us to proceed without fear of litigation and with no possible delay to your book’s impending and much anticipated launch.
>
>I would appreciate a swift and full response.
>
>
>Kindest Regards
>
>Michael Landfill
>
>Partner