Planet of the Apes
Komsomolskaya Pravda, September 2001
I meet Gorillaz in a grotty cellar bar underneath a main street in the London Borough of Ladbroke Grove. As I enter the building, it takes a while for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. There is little noise to help get my directions until, as my eyes begin to focus, I hear a loud deliberate exhalation. I sense The Gorillaz are in the mist (sic). Murdoc Niccals, Gorillaz bass-man Svengali, is hidden behind a cloud of cigarette smoke. 2-D, the band's cherubic frontman, is concentrating on finishing the last slurps of a chocolate milkshake. Both Russel and Noodle are reading. A press officer is nearby, but not intrusive. Mobile phones have been switched off for the duration of this interview. I take my seat, and we formally say our greetings. I explain which magazine I’m from. Murdoc nods his head both in recognition and an understandable resignation of another interview about to commence. He asks me to start.
Any chance to hear Gorillaz Unplugged?
Murdoc: (exhales) If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to change.
2-D: (slurps) I mean, “Are friends electric”?
Murdoc: I’d like to think so.
Gorillaz win a Grammy (or is it a Brit?), who's going to pick up the award - 2-D? Murdoc? Or would you insist on the ceremony being held behind the scenes?
Murdoc: I would pick it up. It’s my band, and I write all the songs.
Russel: Yeah but 2-D sings them, and all the fans like him more than you.
Murdoc: That’s not true.
Russel: Listen Muds, when we’re picking up awards, we do it as a band.
Does Noodle have a separate dressing room?
Noodle looks up from her book.
Noodle (translated from Japanese): Why would I need a separate dressing room? Neither they nor I get up to anything we would be ashamed to share with each other. Having said that, It’d be more likely that we gave Murdoc a separate dressing room.
Murdoc: As would befit the King.
Russel: King!? The only thing you’re the King of is Ming, you foul-footed pseudo-satanic stink bomb.
Can we possibly see Gorillas sharing the tour with Blur?
Murdoc: Old Dr Albarnio wouldn’t be able to hack it. Anyway, I’m the King and he knows it, he’s only too keen to try and capitalize on my band's success. But I’m not about to carry that bunch of work-shy poodles.
Which real-life personalities (not necessarily musicians) would you like to see lip-synching to Gorillaz' music?
2-D: Scatman John.
Murdoc: I’d like to reverse the music and get Glen Benton from Deicide to try to lip-sync. For a Satanist, if he sold his soul to the devil, his contract must have been shit because he’s been a flop for ages. The devil may write the best tunes, but he doesn’t necessarily give them away. See also; Cradle of Filth.
Russel: You know that Godley & Creme track “Cry”, I’d get all the Hip-Hop stars. Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Busta Rhymes, Kool Keith, Flavor Flav, Lil' Bow Wow, Lil Kim... the works, morphing into each other. In fact, that’s such a great idea that I’m gonna copyright it now.
Noodle: I’m going to sue you.
Russel: Yeah, whatever. Having said that, mime is money. If anyone‘s lip-synching our songs, it’s us.
Do virtual bands have riders? Can we see one?
Russel: Yeah, a whole load of rubbers. We’re cartoons, geddit? No one gonna rub us out.
Murdoc: Snakebite and black, which is cider with blackcurrant.
2-D: 18 cans of Fanta.
Noodle: Batteries AA triple, a lithium for my camera, miniature batteries for the clocks, and Eveready’s for the remote controls.
Murdoc: Chicken must be live but plucked. Candles, chalk, and a clean cloak (black).
How did you explain to Ibrahim Ferrer what you want of him?
Russel: Music really is a universal language. We barely said a word to each other. We just smiled when we both felt the music was right. It’s a God-given instinct. You must know yourself. You can meet strangers at festivals, concerts, etc. and when something sounds so right, so human and emotional you can’t help but feel this huge feeling of universal comfort. That's how Ibrahim works. We all knew when it worked. Our souls just smiled.
Murdoc: That, and a bottle of J and B.
Did you have any response from Clint Eastwood?
Murdoc: Yeah, he said we made his day when we played “Punk”!
Russel: I hear he’s venturing into the world of music. His first single’s called “Gorillaz”.
2-D: It’s sung by the ape from Any Which Way But Loose.
Beautiful girl wants to know what you do for living. Your answer is: - I'm with the Gorillaz. - I work for Gorillaz.
Murdoc: I don’t understand the question, but if it’s a choice I say “I AM THE GORILLAZ”.
Russel: I want a girl to like me for who I am, so I say “I know them”. But you know, that’s about it.
Same question asked by the police officer...
Murdoc: If a copper asked, I’d flash my black Amex card and tell him to sling his hook.
2-D: I would tell him I’m an entertainer. I’m an Opium for the masses.
Russel: I’d say social commentator. Spike Lee and I do what we do to affect social politics. The only true form of change.
Did Badly Drawn Boy ask to join your band?
Murdoc: That’s actually really funny. But he’s a Wanky Doodle.
Are you sure none of the Gorillaz have Russian roots?
2-D: Last week, when we played the Creamfields Dance festivals, Murdoc turned to me after we came offstage and said “I’m Russian”.
Murdoc: You fool, I said “I’m rushing”.
2-D: Rushing?
Murdoc: Yeah, rushing.
2-D: Well, I hope you managed to get where you wanted to go to.
Murdoc: Oh, I did. But getting back the next day was a nightmare.
I’m then told by the Gorillaz press officer that time is up. Murdoc lights his umpteenth cigarette. When he does so, he does an amazing Zippo lighter trick, throwing it in the air and catching it on his elbow, it ignites while spinning; lighting his cigarette before falling, closed, back into the top pocket of his decommissioned army shirt. It’s impressive. He winks at me and says “See you soon”. 2-D immediately becomes uncontrollable, hassling Murdoc to show him how to do the trick. I hear Murdoc whisper “Shut up, you’re blowing my cool.”, but it’s futile. 2-D’s enthusiasm is relentless. Russel has seen this type of behaviour a million times and returns to his book. It’s now time to leave them to whatever the animated future will bring them. They’ve already gained worldwide fame. To say that a long history of huge record sales lies ahead of them would be predictable and boring. I have the feeling that they're already bored with a format they’ve already conquered. The future is a beautiful blank canvas. At the moment, I only trust Gorillaz with the pens and paints
Any chance to hear Gorillaz Unplugged?
Murdoc: (exhales) If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to change.
2-D: (slurps) I mean, “Are friends electric”?
Murdoc: I’d like to think so.
Gorillaz win a Grammy (or is it a Brit?), who's going to pick up the award - 2-D? Murdoc? Or would you insist on the ceremony being held behind the scenes?
Murdoc: I would pick it up. It’s my band, and I write all the songs.
Russel: Yeah but 2-D sings them, and all the fans like him more than you.
Murdoc: That’s not true.
Russel: Listen Muds, when we’re picking up awards, we do it as a band.
Does Noodle have a separate dressing room?
Noodle looks up from her book.
Noodle (translated from Japanese): Why would I need a separate dressing room? Neither they nor I get up to anything we would be ashamed to share with each other. Having said that, It’d be more likely that we gave Murdoc a separate dressing room.
Murdoc: As would befit the King.
Russel: King!? The only thing you’re the King of is Ming, you foul-footed pseudo-satanic stink bomb.
Can we possibly see Gorillas sharing the tour with Blur?
Murdoc: Old Dr Albarnio wouldn’t be able to hack it. Anyway, I’m the King and he knows it, he’s only too keen to try and capitalize on my band's success. But I’m not about to carry that bunch of work-shy poodles.
Which real-life personalities (not necessarily musicians) would you like to see lip-synching to Gorillaz' music?
2-D: Scatman John.
Murdoc: I’d like to reverse the music and get Glen Benton from Deicide to try to lip-sync. For a Satanist, if he sold his soul to the devil, his contract must have been shit because he’s been a flop for ages. The devil may write the best tunes, but he doesn’t necessarily give them away. See also; Cradle of Filth.
Russel: You know that Godley & Creme track “Cry”, I’d get all the Hip-Hop stars. Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Busta Rhymes, Kool Keith, Flavor Flav, Lil' Bow Wow, Lil Kim... the works, morphing into each other. In fact, that’s such a great idea that I’m gonna copyright it now.
Noodle: I’m going to sue you.
Russel: Yeah, whatever. Having said that, mime is money. If anyone‘s lip-synching our songs, it’s us.
Do virtual bands have riders? Can we see one?
Russel: Yeah, a whole load of rubbers. We’re cartoons, geddit? No one gonna rub us out.
Murdoc: Snakebite and black, which is cider with blackcurrant.
2-D: 18 cans of Fanta.
Noodle: Batteries AA triple, a lithium for my camera, miniature batteries for the clocks, and Eveready’s for the remote controls.
Murdoc: Chicken must be live but plucked. Candles, chalk, and a clean cloak (black).
How did you explain to Ibrahim Ferrer what you want of him?
Russel: Music really is a universal language. We barely said a word to each other. We just smiled when we both felt the music was right. It’s a God-given instinct. You must know yourself. You can meet strangers at festivals, concerts, etc. and when something sounds so right, so human and emotional you can’t help but feel this huge feeling of universal comfort. That's how Ibrahim works. We all knew when it worked. Our souls just smiled.
Murdoc: That, and a bottle of J and B.
Did you have any response from Clint Eastwood?
Murdoc: Yeah, he said we made his day when we played “Punk”!
Russel: I hear he’s venturing into the world of music. His first single’s called “Gorillaz”.
2-D: It’s sung by the ape from Any Which Way But Loose.
Beautiful girl wants to know what you do for living. Your answer is: - I'm with the Gorillaz. - I work for Gorillaz.
Murdoc: I don’t understand the question, but if it’s a choice I say “I AM THE GORILLAZ”.
Russel: I want a girl to like me for who I am, so I say “I know them”. But you know, that’s about it.
Same question asked by the police officer...
Murdoc: If a copper asked, I’d flash my black Amex card and tell him to sling his hook.
2-D: I would tell him I’m an entertainer. I’m an Opium for the masses.
Russel: I’d say social commentator. Spike Lee and I do what we do to affect social politics. The only true form of change.
Did Badly Drawn Boy ask to join your band?
Murdoc: That’s actually really funny. But he’s a Wanky Doodle.
Are you sure none of the Gorillaz have Russian roots?
2-D: Last week, when we played the Creamfields Dance festivals, Murdoc turned to me after we came offstage and said “I’m Russian”.
Murdoc: You fool, I said “I’m rushing”.
2-D: Rushing?
Murdoc: Yeah, rushing.
2-D: Well, I hope you managed to get where you wanted to go to.
Murdoc: Oh, I did. But getting back the next day was a nightmare.
I’m then told by the Gorillaz press officer that time is up. Murdoc lights his umpteenth cigarette. When he does so, he does an amazing Zippo lighter trick, throwing it in the air and catching it on his elbow, it ignites while spinning; lighting his cigarette before falling, closed, back into the top pocket of his decommissioned army shirt. It’s impressive. He winks at me and says “See you soon”. 2-D immediately becomes uncontrollable, hassling Murdoc to show him how to do the trick. I hear Murdoc whisper “Shut up, you’re blowing my cool.”, but it’s futile. 2-D’s enthusiasm is relentless. Russel has seen this type of behaviour a million times and returns to his book. It’s now time to leave them to whatever the animated future will bring them. They’ve already gained worldwide fame. To say that a long history of huge record sales lies ahead of them would be predictable and boring. I have the feeling that they're already bored with a format they’ve already conquered. The future is a beautiful blank canvas. At the moment, I only trust Gorillaz with the pens and paints