Original Questions
Smash Hits, June 2001
How did the band get together?
Russel: Well, I met Murdoc and 2D when I caught them trying to steal records from the bargain bin in the record store I was working in down in Soho. They have this whole ram raid and coma backstory that you can never quite get to the bottom of. I think someone is lying to somebody, somewhere, but I can’t be bothered with it anymore! Then there’s Noodle, she just appeared on our doorstep in a FedEx crate all the way from Japan, man, she can play a mean guitar but that’s about as much as we know about her!
Is it true that 2D and Murdoc met when Murdoc ram raided the shop 2D was working in?
Murdoc: Don’t know what you are talking about! I saved his life and he owes me his soul! Hail Satan!
Did it take much persuading to get the others to join?
Murdoc: I think it’s as plain as the nose on your face that I’m a genius, I mean, would you turn down the chance to be in my band? And by the way, it is just that, my band!
How do the band get on?
Russel: We all love each other like brothers and sisters, apart from Murdoc, who hates us and himself equally.
Murdoc: Sounds about right!
What's the worst fight you've ever had?
2D: When I was at school, in the first year, there was this gang of fifth-year punks who called themselves “The Organ Boys”. They got ahold of me one dinner time and stuck one of the five-a-side football posts down the collar of my shirt and out of my trouser leg, then stuck it in the ground. They stuck another one through my shirtsleeves, so I was crucified! They then spent the rest of break time kicking footballs at me really hard. That was definitely the worst fight I ever had!
Murdoc: You being publicly humiliated does not constitute a fight.
How rock'n'roll are you?
Murdoc: Depends on what you lot class as rock and roll. I mean, we may not reach the giddy-on-tour heights of Five or Steps, but we know how to have a good time!
Do you trash hotel rooms?
Russel: I thought this was supposed to be for younger readers! This isn’t any way to conduct an interview for impressionable minds, I don’t like the road this is going down. I wouldn’t let Noodle get away with that kind of behaviour!
Murdoc: Pull the other one phatwa, fat boy! What about the time you decided that you wanted a swimming pool in the little bed and breakfast we were staying in, filled all the doors and windows up in your room, and then left the taps running? Ay? What about that?
Russel: Listen man, all I was saying was that this ain't for the kids, y’know?
Murdoc: No, I don’t know. Hypocrite!
Have you broken any laws recently?
2D: I haven’t broken any laws, but I went into the centre of London on May Day to check out what was going on and I ended up trapped in Oxford Circus. So I climbed on top of the nearest phone box just in time to see the coppers going in for the kill. When the police shouted that I should get down I just ignored them, but the seething crowd was being pushed further back until the rozzers were all around the phonebox and I was stranded behind enemy lines! There were proper nutters back there doing messy kung-fu on the shielded riot MPs, people's teeth coming out by the baton load...
Murdoc: Enough! Bloody hippy!
Do you get much interest from groupies?
Murdoc: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Russel: That would be yes then!
2D: I’ve got some too!
Who's the most popular with them?
Russel: Now you’ve done it!
2D: I’m most popular with the ones who like me!
Murdoc: You know what? I can’t be bothered to even comment on that, numb nuts!
What do you do with them?
Murdoc: What I do is take them back to my Winnebago and play them the Lamb Lays Down On Broadway. Genesis never fails with the birds, I’m telling you. If you wanna get dirty Abacab always gets them juicy, but my personal sure shot is “In the Air Tonight”. What woman could resist?
What do you demand in your backstage rider?
Murdoc: Chips and sweets!
How did Murdoc get his broken nose?
Murdoc: My older brother Hannibal was a Skin and he took me to see the UK Subs supporting Sham 69. What he didn’t tell me was that he’d taken me so that he and all of his mates could give me a kicking because I was a rocker, the bastard. I only got to see Jimmy Percy spitting at a girl before I was knocked unconscious, so I couldn’t give you a review so to speak, but that’s when my nose got broken anyway.
Why doesn't he set fire to cats anymore?
Murdoc: Why are you talking about me like I’m not here, you weirdo? The answer to your question is that I have bigger fish to fry!
2D: What, like a huge spawning salmon? They’re bigger than cats, I didn’t know you used to fry cats though! Is that how they caught fire?
What exactly are Murdoc's 'personal hygine' problems mentioned in the press biog?
Russel: Again, I don’t think that is for the ears of children!
How did 2D lose his front teeth?
2D: Murdoc punched me.
How does he cope with being the heartthrob of the band?
Murdoc: What do you mean? I’m the heartthrob of the band!
Is 2D as thick as he seems, does he genuinely have a "blank piece of paper where his brain should be?
2D: No! That’s rubbish! It’s just one of Murdoc’s “Award Winning” jokes! I’ve got a lot to say, just not all of the time like him.
Apart from the trouble with the demon, did Russel have any other problems at his posh school?
Russel: Biology class! Open-heart surgery was tricky, I only ended up with a C-!
Is he posh then, and if so, does he know Ben A1?
Russel: I’m not posh, I’m American, I’ll leave all that class system stuff to you lot. And no, I don’t know Ben from A1, or Benny from Crossroads, or that Ben-der from N-Sync.
Does he find it uncomfortable having a ghost living inside him?
Russel: No, absolutely not. I have the positive mental power of two men.
What do you think of Hear'Say?
Russel: Hear’Say, gone tomorrow!
Which bands do you like?
2D: I like Super Furry Animals coz they sing about Unicorns and gravity, and Michael Jackson because he can get even the baddest gangsters screaming like bitches!
What do you do when you're not making music?
2D: I go down Whiteleys shopping centre and do a bit of zombie spotting.
How do you relax?
Murdoc: What is this, 1000000 questions or something? I’ve got some for you while we’re at it! What genius came up with your new logo? I mean SMA HITS, what’s that all about? You all into baby milk or something? I’d have loved to have been at that board meeting, everyone scared to tell the truth about SH! looking like it was about to spell shi…
Russel: That’s enough of that Murdoc, 2D’s already sworn enough for us all. Are you on a personal mission to rub Ann Robinson up the wrong way?
Murdoc: Now who’s got the potty mouth?
Favourite films?
Murdoc: Magnolia, Dog Day Afternoon, and anything with John Cassavettes or Peter Faulk.
2D: Rockers, Dawn of the Dead, and Weird Science.
Noodle: Seven Samurai and The Iron Giant
Russel: Carlito's Way, Heat, Blade, and Beat Street.
Favourite TV?
Murdoc: Christ on a bike! Could you be any more boring? Why don’t you ask what our favourite colours are?
2D: What is your favourite colour, Murdoc?
Murdoc: I would say Red Devil if it didn’t conjure up images of twatty little planes flying at each depositing lackluster, patriotically coloured smoke trails over aimless, swarming masses of old age pensioners at seaside resorts. So I’ll plump for Black Beauty.
Who are your friends outside the band?
2D: Robbie Jackson and Wellard.
What's Damon and Jamie's connection with Gorillaz?
Murdoc: To be honest with you, they are starting to piss me right off by claiming that Gorillaz was their “Idea” when everyone knows that it's my band, my band!
Given Damon's comments in the Telegraph at the weekend, what's your opinion of Liam Gallagher and if he did record a track with you, would he get on with the band?
Murdoc: Now you’re talking! That boy has got a wicked voice, and he knows how to deal with an annoying knob head!
What sort of track would you write for him?
Murdoc: A better one than any his brother has knocked out for a while!
Do the rest of Blur mind you poaching Damon?
Murdoc: I’ve heard that they are secretly over the moon to see the back of him!
Do you see yourself as in competition with any other bands?
Murdoc: This is not a competition, this is war!
Noodle (Translated from Japanese): Where there is choice, there is conflict. And where there is conflict, there is misery!
How was your gig at The Scala?
Murdoc: Great man, we burnt the mother down! God bless Satan!
Where's the best place you've painted your Gorillaz graffiti?
2D: I don’t get much time to do that anymore, the kids are spreading the word for us now.
Have you started reading Smash Hits since you've been in it?
Murdoc: Yeah man, it's great for reading on the bog when you’re curling a big one down.
Russel: There you go again, just couldn’t help yourself I guess.
What happens if Jamie goes for a cup of tea in the middle of a drawing - have you ever spent an hour without any feet?
Murdoc: I've had enough of your inane line of drivel, and bugger me have you droned on, dredging up every mind-numbing non-entity and dim-witted piece of trivia you could think of to ask us about. Up until now, I've tried to hold it down because of the age of your readership, but I have had enough of this old knicker leg of a conversation! I don't know about spending an hour without any feet, you wanna ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life without any teeth!?
Russel: Well, I met Murdoc and 2D when I caught them trying to steal records from the bargain bin in the record store I was working in down in Soho. They have this whole ram raid and coma backstory that you can never quite get to the bottom of. I think someone is lying to somebody, somewhere, but I can’t be bothered with it anymore! Then there’s Noodle, she just appeared on our doorstep in a FedEx crate all the way from Japan, man, she can play a mean guitar but that’s about as much as we know about her!
Is it true that 2D and Murdoc met when Murdoc ram raided the shop 2D was working in?
Murdoc: Don’t know what you are talking about! I saved his life and he owes me his soul! Hail Satan!
Did it take much persuading to get the others to join?
Murdoc: I think it’s as plain as the nose on your face that I’m a genius, I mean, would you turn down the chance to be in my band? And by the way, it is just that, my band!
How do the band get on?
Russel: We all love each other like brothers and sisters, apart from Murdoc, who hates us and himself equally.
Murdoc: Sounds about right!
What's the worst fight you've ever had?
2D: When I was at school, in the first year, there was this gang of fifth-year punks who called themselves “The Organ Boys”. They got ahold of me one dinner time and stuck one of the five-a-side football posts down the collar of my shirt and out of my trouser leg, then stuck it in the ground. They stuck another one through my shirtsleeves, so I was crucified! They then spent the rest of break time kicking footballs at me really hard. That was definitely the worst fight I ever had!
Murdoc: You being publicly humiliated does not constitute a fight.
How rock'n'roll are you?
Murdoc: Depends on what you lot class as rock and roll. I mean, we may not reach the giddy-on-tour heights of Five or Steps, but we know how to have a good time!
Do you trash hotel rooms?
Russel: I thought this was supposed to be for younger readers! This isn’t any way to conduct an interview for impressionable minds, I don’t like the road this is going down. I wouldn’t let Noodle get away with that kind of behaviour!
Murdoc: Pull the other one phatwa, fat boy! What about the time you decided that you wanted a swimming pool in the little bed and breakfast we were staying in, filled all the doors and windows up in your room, and then left the taps running? Ay? What about that?
Russel: Listen man, all I was saying was that this ain't for the kids, y’know?
Murdoc: No, I don’t know. Hypocrite!
Have you broken any laws recently?
2D: I haven’t broken any laws, but I went into the centre of London on May Day to check out what was going on and I ended up trapped in Oxford Circus. So I climbed on top of the nearest phone box just in time to see the coppers going in for the kill. When the police shouted that I should get down I just ignored them, but the seething crowd was being pushed further back until the rozzers were all around the phonebox and I was stranded behind enemy lines! There were proper nutters back there doing messy kung-fu on the shielded riot MPs, people's teeth coming out by the baton load...
Murdoc: Enough! Bloody hippy!
Do you get much interest from groupies?
Murdoc: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Russel: That would be yes then!
2D: I’ve got some too!
Who's the most popular with them?
Russel: Now you’ve done it!
2D: I’m most popular with the ones who like me!
Murdoc: You know what? I can’t be bothered to even comment on that, numb nuts!
What do you do with them?
Murdoc: What I do is take them back to my Winnebago and play them the Lamb Lays Down On Broadway. Genesis never fails with the birds, I’m telling you. If you wanna get dirty Abacab always gets them juicy, but my personal sure shot is “In the Air Tonight”. What woman could resist?
What do you demand in your backstage rider?
Murdoc: Chips and sweets!
How did Murdoc get his broken nose?
Murdoc: My older brother Hannibal was a Skin and he took me to see the UK Subs supporting Sham 69. What he didn’t tell me was that he’d taken me so that he and all of his mates could give me a kicking because I was a rocker, the bastard. I only got to see Jimmy Percy spitting at a girl before I was knocked unconscious, so I couldn’t give you a review so to speak, but that’s when my nose got broken anyway.
Why doesn't he set fire to cats anymore?
Murdoc: Why are you talking about me like I’m not here, you weirdo? The answer to your question is that I have bigger fish to fry!
2D: What, like a huge spawning salmon? They’re bigger than cats, I didn’t know you used to fry cats though! Is that how they caught fire?
What exactly are Murdoc's 'personal hygine' problems mentioned in the press biog?
Russel: Again, I don’t think that is for the ears of children!
How did 2D lose his front teeth?
2D: Murdoc punched me.
How does he cope with being the heartthrob of the band?
Murdoc: What do you mean? I’m the heartthrob of the band!
Is 2D as thick as he seems, does he genuinely have a "blank piece of paper where his brain should be?
2D: No! That’s rubbish! It’s just one of Murdoc’s “Award Winning” jokes! I’ve got a lot to say, just not all of the time like him.
Apart from the trouble with the demon, did Russel have any other problems at his posh school?
Russel: Biology class! Open-heart surgery was tricky, I only ended up with a C-!
Is he posh then, and if so, does he know Ben A1?
Russel: I’m not posh, I’m American, I’ll leave all that class system stuff to you lot. And no, I don’t know Ben from A1, or Benny from Crossroads, or that Ben-der from N-Sync.
Does he find it uncomfortable having a ghost living inside him?
Russel: No, absolutely not. I have the positive mental power of two men.
What do you think of Hear'Say?
Russel: Hear’Say, gone tomorrow!
Which bands do you like?
2D: I like Super Furry Animals coz they sing about Unicorns and gravity, and Michael Jackson because he can get even the baddest gangsters screaming like bitches!
What do you do when you're not making music?
2D: I go down Whiteleys shopping centre and do a bit of zombie spotting.
How do you relax?
Murdoc: What is this, 1000000 questions or something? I’ve got some for you while we’re at it! What genius came up with your new logo? I mean SMA HITS, what’s that all about? You all into baby milk or something? I’d have loved to have been at that board meeting, everyone scared to tell the truth about SH! looking like it was about to spell shi…
Russel: That’s enough of that Murdoc, 2D’s already sworn enough for us all. Are you on a personal mission to rub Ann Robinson up the wrong way?
Murdoc: Now who’s got the potty mouth?
Favourite films?
Murdoc: Magnolia, Dog Day Afternoon, and anything with John Cassavettes or Peter Faulk.
2D: Rockers, Dawn of the Dead, and Weird Science.
Noodle: Seven Samurai and The Iron Giant
Russel: Carlito's Way, Heat, Blade, and Beat Street.
Favourite TV?
Murdoc: Christ on a bike! Could you be any more boring? Why don’t you ask what our favourite colours are?
2D: What is your favourite colour, Murdoc?
Murdoc: I would say Red Devil if it didn’t conjure up images of twatty little planes flying at each depositing lackluster, patriotically coloured smoke trails over aimless, swarming masses of old age pensioners at seaside resorts. So I’ll plump for Black Beauty.
Who are your friends outside the band?
2D: Robbie Jackson and Wellard.
What's Damon and Jamie's connection with Gorillaz?
Murdoc: To be honest with you, they are starting to piss me right off by claiming that Gorillaz was their “Idea” when everyone knows that it's my band, my band!
Given Damon's comments in the Telegraph at the weekend, what's your opinion of Liam Gallagher and if he did record a track with you, would he get on with the band?
Murdoc: Now you’re talking! That boy has got a wicked voice, and he knows how to deal with an annoying knob head!
What sort of track would you write for him?
Murdoc: A better one than any his brother has knocked out for a while!
Do the rest of Blur mind you poaching Damon?
Murdoc: I’ve heard that they are secretly over the moon to see the back of him!
Do you see yourself as in competition with any other bands?
Murdoc: This is not a competition, this is war!
Noodle (Translated from Japanese): Where there is choice, there is conflict. And where there is conflict, there is misery!
How was your gig at The Scala?
Murdoc: Great man, we burnt the mother down! God bless Satan!
Where's the best place you've painted your Gorillaz graffiti?
2D: I don’t get much time to do that anymore, the kids are spreading the word for us now.
Have you started reading Smash Hits since you've been in it?
Murdoc: Yeah man, it's great for reading on the bog when you’re curling a big one down.
Russel: There you go again, just couldn’t help yourself I guess.
What happens if Jamie goes for a cup of tea in the middle of a drawing - have you ever spent an hour without any feet?
Murdoc: I've had enough of your inane line of drivel, and bugger me have you droned on, dredging up every mind-numbing non-entity and dim-witted piece of trivia you could think of to ask us about. Up until now, I've tried to hold it down because of the age of your readership, but I have had enough of this old knicker leg of a conversation! I don't know about spending an hour without any feet, you wanna ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life without any teeth!?