Murdoc Q&A
The Face, September 2001
Surely carrying around the 'dead albatross' that is the Mercury Music prize would've been worth it for an easy £20,000?
Murdoc: Being artistically becalmed isn’t worth £20,000, especially after tax. And when said Albatross begins to putrefy it becomes just a bloody pulp, and I’ve nothing against Cocker and Co but naming your keyboard player after a particularly nasty vaginal disease, that really is hardcore. I mean, that’s a different class. Yeah, I shot the Albatross, but I didn’t shoot the deputy.
Would have made up for the 20K you spunked up the wall on an American MTV Award acceptance video that wasn't needed.
Murdoc: You’d think that a publication such as The Face, with all the experience that it has, would shy from printing information gleaned secondhand from gossip columns, tabloids, and rumour mongers, but I guess Jason Donavan failed to teach you lot anything. If you think I didn’t get 20k worth of publicity out of it, then you're a bigger mug than your cover price suggests. I could stick 40k up your arse and still get my money back.
It's the MTV Europe Awards next month. You're up for six awards. Got anything 'special' planned?
Murdoc: I’m gonna get Beyonce to pull Albarn's wig off, he’s had one made especially in the shape of a baseball cap with dreads attached.
Ali G is presenting the MTV Awards. How will you compete with such a caricature?
Murdoc: Like I said before, I’m gonna be sending Ali Albarn up there.
Which diva hottie will you be perving up backstage: Beyonce of Destiny's Child, Janet Jackson, or Dido?
Murdoc: I know it’s the point you’re making, but really, since when has Dido been a diva?
You've just finished your first British tour. What kind of people come to Gorillaz shows?
Murdoc: Oh, special people… diabolical wizards, kids, and people who need to be read their last rights. We bring everyone together, one nation under a moose!
Any hot groupie action?
Murdoc: You get that many people in a small place, it’s gonna get hot! I read that Channel 4 are planning a new reality TV show, like Big Brother only nobody gets ejected, the room they’re in just gets smaller. Same amount of people, smaller space. A team of ingenious young copy-writers from Mother, the home of advertising’s hip whiz kids, have come up with the hilarious tagline “You don’t have to be mad to live there, but hey, it helps!”
What's on your rider?
Murdoc: Shaun Ryder in Sue Ryder charity shop clobber. Nice one, top one, double one, buzz!
What are you most likely to complain about in hotels?
Murdoc: Ectoplasm. Every hotel I’ve ever stayed in has been haunted. I wake up and the sheets are always coated in thick, sticky gloop. Ectoplasm! Next question.
What's your poison?
Murdoc: It’s not mine, it’s my uncles. A family secret that I slipped into Albarnio's drink last New Year's Eve. It’ll take your brain to another dimension, literally.
What do you think of to stop yourself coming?
Murdoc: The support band, but I usually manage to make it in the end.
What TV programme has done most for the simian cause?
Murdoc: Monkey. I used to kind of fancy that Trippy-Tarka, but I was never sure if it was a boy, a girl, or an otter.
Soho mook Alex James calls you 'The Banana Splits' - fair comment?
Murdoc: Coming from Mr. Potato Head, that’s fucking rich. He could have at least stuck a z on the end if he was trying to be funny. Why don’t you ask old spud-man about the side order of beans? Actually, come to think of it, THAT is what I’m most likely to complain about in a hotel.
One hundred years from now, who rules the world. Monkeys or virtual rock stars?
Murdoc: After global elimination, cockroach producers will rule the world once more. Probably Cock, Achtung, and Wankerman.
Bit bad tempered, aren't you? You look it.
Murdoc: What do you mean? This interview is conducted by E-Mail. Is my type too bold for you?
How did you break your nose?
Murdoc: Funny you ask that, I got it caught in someone else’s business. And if I hear you say monkey business, I’ll punch YOU in the fucking hooter.
Is Ed Case the unsung hero of Gorillaz, on account of his remixes of your singles?
Murdoc: He only did the one, and if you want to talk about “unsinging” you want to listen to Sweetie Irie’s pathetic attempt on that track. Apparently, the auto-tune was busted when they recorded that one.
Hear'Say, Liberty, Gorillaz: 2001 is the year of the manufactured pop act - Discuss
Murdoc: I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but every product is manufactured. I know it’s a bitter pill but face it, your plastic culture sucks. Everything you’ve ever read about in any poncey style mag that purports to come from the heart has been bought to you by a press office. It’s the quality of the manufacture that counts. You won’t see us sporting Gap, Next, Top Shop, Oasis, Morgan, or any other shitty high street, sweatshop outfit, and don’t give me any of that “You can find nice things there” rubbish either, I don’t want to hear it and neither should you.
Surely you're too much of a serious rock star to be in a kiddie-pop band like Gorillaz.
Murdoc: Entertaining kids with banality is only ever going to be banal, but giving them something excellent is timeless. It’d be more juvenile to give the world yet another teenager masquerading as someone in their mid-fifties. The bum fluff beards aren’t fooling anyone. Just ask the ginger bird out of Sugar Babes now they’ve kicked her out. Lamb dressed up as mutton, and ginger mutton at that! I ain’t buying it no way, not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin.
Not got any plans to ditch these goons and form the next Suicide or Stooges or something?
Murdoc: Everything you’ve read about Iggy isn’t real either. Just ask his animator Mr. James Jewel Osterberg!
Or an art rock outfit, perhaps?
Murdoc: We’ve made art rock an oxymoron, moron.
Is William really the 'Fresher Prince'?
Murdoc: The Fresh Prince of Bell End, that would be. A baseball cap the wrong way round does not hip make.
Liam Gallagher called your friend Dan Abnormal a 'fucking monkey-boy from Colchester' last month - what's Liam's problem?
Murdoc: Tourettes… coprolalia? Your guess is as good as mine. His jokes are at least five years old though, very poor. In fact, we could probably sell his joke some of our records.
He also said 'bald cunt' Dan needs a wig. Do you need a full head of hair to rock?
Murdoc: If those two spent more time on their album than they do on their hair, the bloody bouffant poodle rockers, they’d end up selling some records stateside instead of a couple moss side.
And he said Gorillaz music is all 'ooh-de-fucky-boo'. Good point, well made?
Murdoc: Ooh, that’s good. I’m going to use that in my biography on the rise and fall of Guns N' Roses entitled Welcome to the Jungle Book.
What kind of band celebrates the 10th anniversary of a gig at which the guy who writes the songs wasn't even in the band?
Murdoc: The Beach Boys, Eagles, Hot Chocolate, Lynyrd Skynyrd, New Order, Taggart. Take your pick.
What have Gorillaz got that Oasis haven't?
Murdoc: Relevance and a rhythm section. That’s enough already with this Oasis waffle, ask someone who gives a shit.
What's Gorillaz' plans for 2002?
Murdoc: I’m gonna make 2002 into a comedy Christopher Biggins, Elton John, and Mallet style pair of glasses, it’s got two zeros in the middle already that you could fit the lenses in. A bit of glitter on the twos and we’re on a winner, but I think I’m digressing.
Would you collaborate with 'cartoon DJ' Fatboy Slim?
Murdoc: I’ve seen people who’ve collaborated with Fatboy Slim before, and neither Paul Heaton nor “The Farmer” are my role models.
Posh Spice - would you?
Murdoc: Even could you? She’s not such a talented girl.
Kylie - have you?
Murdoc: Like I said, you should have asked Jason that before you went to court. I’d love to, but it’s physically impossible, she’s only nine inches tall.
Is British guitar music dead?
Murdoc: Only the ones that are still alive. If you’re asking the question, you already know the answer. But I wouldn’t go saying that to Raging Speedhorn if I were you.
Are Gorillaz just a figment of our imagination?
Murdoc: Like they said in the beginning of Monkey, “With our thoughts, we make the world”, and beauty is in the eye of the bum holder. I’m not talking about Noddy either. We’re as real as the next person, and if you wake up next to one of us, consider yourself well and truly gifted my son.
Murdoc: Being artistically becalmed isn’t worth £20,000, especially after tax. And when said Albatross begins to putrefy it becomes just a bloody pulp, and I’ve nothing against Cocker and Co but naming your keyboard player after a particularly nasty vaginal disease, that really is hardcore. I mean, that’s a different class. Yeah, I shot the Albatross, but I didn’t shoot the deputy.
Would have made up for the 20K you spunked up the wall on an American MTV Award acceptance video that wasn't needed.
Murdoc: You’d think that a publication such as The Face, with all the experience that it has, would shy from printing information gleaned secondhand from gossip columns, tabloids, and rumour mongers, but I guess Jason Donavan failed to teach you lot anything. If you think I didn’t get 20k worth of publicity out of it, then you're a bigger mug than your cover price suggests. I could stick 40k up your arse and still get my money back.
It's the MTV Europe Awards next month. You're up for six awards. Got anything 'special' planned?
Murdoc: I’m gonna get Beyonce to pull Albarn's wig off, he’s had one made especially in the shape of a baseball cap with dreads attached.
Ali G is presenting the MTV Awards. How will you compete with such a caricature?
Murdoc: Like I said before, I’m gonna be sending Ali Albarn up there.
Which diva hottie will you be perving up backstage: Beyonce of Destiny's Child, Janet Jackson, or Dido?
Murdoc: I know it’s the point you’re making, but really, since when has Dido been a diva?
You've just finished your first British tour. What kind of people come to Gorillaz shows?
Murdoc: Oh, special people… diabolical wizards, kids, and people who need to be read their last rights. We bring everyone together, one nation under a moose!
Any hot groupie action?
Murdoc: You get that many people in a small place, it’s gonna get hot! I read that Channel 4 are planning a new reality TV show, like Big Brother only nobody gets ejected, the room they’re in just gets smaller. Same amount of people, smaller space. A team of ingenious young copy-writers from Mother, the home of advertising’s hip whiz kids, have come up with the hilarious tagline “You don’t have to be mad to live there, but hey, it helps!”
What's on your rider?
Murdoc: Shaun Ryder in Sue Ryder charity shop clobber. Nice one, top one, double one, buzz!
What are you most likely to complain about in hotels?
Murdoc: Ectoplasm. Every hotel I’ve ever stayed in has been haunted. I wake up and the sheets are always coated in thick, sticky gloop. Ectoplasm! Next question.
What's your poison?
Murdoc: It’s not mine, it’s my uncles. A family secret that I slipped into Albarnio's drink last New Year's Eve. It’ll take your brain to another dimension, literally.
What do you think of to stop yourself coming?
Murdoc: The support band, but I usually manage to make it in the end.
What TV programme has done most for the simian cause?
Murdoc: Monkey. I used to kind of fancy that Trippy-Tarka, but I was never sure if it was a boy, a girl, or an otter.
Soho mook Alex James calls you 'The Banana Splits' - fair comment?
Murdoc: Coming from Mr. Potato Head, that’s fucking rich. He could have at least stuck a z on the end if he was trying to be funny. Why don’t you ask old spud-man about the side order of beans? Actually, come to think of it, THAT is what I’m most likely to complain about in a hotel.
One hundred years from now, who rules the world. Monkeys or virtual rock stars?
Murdoc: After global elimination, cockroach producers will rule the world once more. Probably Cock, Achtung, and Wankerman.
Bit bad tempered, aren't you? You look it.
Murdoc: What do you mean? This interview is conducted by E-Mail. Is my type too bold for you?
How did you break your nose?
Murdoc: Funny you ask that, I got it caught in someone else’s business. And if I hear you say monkey business, I’ll punch YOU in the fucking hooter.
Is Ed Case the unsung hero of Gorillaz, on account of his remixes of your singles?
Murdoc: He only did the one, and if you want to talk about “unsinging” you want to listen to Sweetie Irie’s pathetic attempt on that track. Apparently, the auto-tune was busted when they recorded that one.
Hear'Say, Liberty, Gorillaz: 2001 is the year of the manufactured pop act - Discuss
Murdoc: I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but every product is manufactured. I know it’s a bitter pill but face it, your plastic culture sucks. Everything you’ve ever read about in any poncey style mag that purports to come from the heart has been bought to you by a press office. It’s the quality of the manufacture that counts. You won’t see us sporting Gap, Next, Top Shop, Oasis, Morgan, or any other shitty high street, sweatshop outfit, and don’t give me any of that “You can find nice things there” rubbish either, I don’t want to hear it and neither should you.
Surely you're too much of a serious rock star to be in a kiddie-pop band like Gorillaz.
Murdoc: Entertaining kids with banality is only ever going to be banal, but giving them something excellent is timeless. It’d be more juvenile to give the world yet another teenager masquerading as someone in their mid-fifties. The bum fluff beards aren’t fooling anyone. Just ask the ginger bird out of Sugar Babes now they’ve kicked her out. Lamb dressed up as mutton, and ginger mutton at that! I ain’t buying it no way, not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin.
Not got any plans to ditch these goons and form the next Suicide or Stooges or something?
Murdoc: Everything you’ve read about Iggy isn’t real either. Just ask his animator Mr. James Jewel Osterberg!
Or an art rock outfit, perhaps?
Murdoc: We’ve made art rock an oxymoron, moron.
Is William really the 'Fresher Prince'?
Murdoc: The Fresh Prince of Bell End, that would be. A baseball cap the wrong way round does not hip make.
Liam Gallagher called your friend Dan Abnormal a 'fucking monkey-boy from Colchester' last month - what's Liam's problem?
Murdoc: Tourettes… coprolalia? Your guess is as good as mine. His jokes are at least five years old though, very poor. In fact, we could probably sell his joke some of our records.
He also said 'bald cunt' Dan needs a wig. Do you need a full head of hair to rock?
Murdoc: If those two spent more time on their album than they do on their hair, the bloody bouffant poodle rockers, they’d end up selling some records stateside instead of a couple moss side.
And he said Gorillaz music is all 'ooh-de-fucky-boo'. Good point, well made?
Murdoc: Ooh, that’s good. I’m going to use that in my biography on the rise and fall of Guns N' Roses entitled Welcome to the Jungle Book.
What kind of band celebrates the 10th anniversary of a gig at which the guy who writes the songs wasn't even in the band?
Murdoc: The Beach Boys, Eagles, Hot Chocolate, Lynyrd Skynyrd, New Order, Taggart. Take your pick.
What have Gorillaz got that Oasis haven't?
Murdoc: Relevance and a rhythm section. That’s enough already with this Oasis waffle, ask someone who gives a shit.
What's Gorillaz' plans for 2002?
Murdoc: I’m gonna make 2002 into a comedy Christopher Biggins, Elton John, and Mallet style pair of glasses, it’s got two zeros in the middle already that you could fit the lenses in. A bit of glitter on the twos and we’re on a winner, but I think I’m digressing.
Would you collaborate with 'cartoon DJ' Fatboy Slim?
Murdoc: I’ve seen people who’ve collaborated with Fatboy Slim before, and neither Paul Heaton nor “The Farmer” are my role models.
Posh Spice - would you?
Murdoc: Even could you? She’s not such a talented girl.
Kylie - have you?
Murdoc: Like I said, you should have asked Jason that before you went to court. I’d love to, but it’s physically impossible, she’s only nine inches tall.
Is British guitar music dead?
Murdoc: Only the ones that are still alive. If you’re asking the question, you already know the answer. But I wouldn’t go saying that to Raging Speedhorn if I were you.
Are Gorillaz just a figment of our imagination?
Murdoc: Like they said in the beginning of Monkey, “With our thoughts, we make the world”, and beauty is in the eye of the bum holder. I’m not talking about Noddy either. We’re as real as the next person, and if you wake up next to one of us, consider yourself well and truly gifted my son.