Gorillaz Interview
Details, September 2001
When was the last time you…
Threw up? What happened?
2-D: Murdoc took me to our local pub, “The Sore Wrist”. We’d drunk three pints of Jägermeister but had sensibly followed it with a lager chaser. Everything was going fine until I noticed the bar snacks. My mum always told me not to eat bar nuts because she said they are covered with an average of fifteen different people’s piss because no one washes their hands after they’ve been. Anyway, I don’t know if it was the eleventh or fourteenth person's wee that did it, but I barely had time to make it into the toilets before I threw up everywhere. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry that I didn’t notice that there was a guy sitting on the toilet when chucked up. I just kicked the door open and projectile vomited.
...Blacked out? How did it happen?
Murdoc: I don’t know about blackouts but if Russel keeps eating at the rate he does right now, he’s likely to reach critical mass, implode, and create a black hole.
...Shagged a groupie? Explain.
Murdoc: I used to knock off Kate Moss. I called her Kate Boss because her eyes go in different directions, which is the secret behind why she’s so photogenic just like Liam Gallagher, but you can take this too far. Just look at Marty Feldman and Shirley Manson.
...Felt like you were a cynical marketing ploy?
2-D: I think the ploy of standing around and frowning at farmers until they stop growing meat is really horrible. That’s not a very productive approach to the world meat thesis, is it? It’s just being cynical and criticizing their markets. My ploy would be this; get a table with some fruit, peppers and carrots and shit, then you just try and sell them. To stop the rot and break the mold, thus markletablising the conviviality. It’s easy, if you want a stable market, put stabilizers on it. And if you don’t want your cash to flow, stop flushing it down the toilet.
Murdoc: Stop now, you’re out of your league. Here’s a fiver, sod off down the pub.
...Wished you were a human band?
Murdoc: Are you kidding? There are twenty million human bands, most people I know are in at least five, and they’re all rubbish and they’re all struggling. There’s just the one animated band, and we’re picking up more awards than Robert Downey Jr. picks up soap.
2-D: I saw this wicked video the other day that had a potato with teeth and a turnip in it and was a bit jealous.
...Got wasted? On what?
Murdoc: I used to drink with Dustin Diamond, the guy who plays Screech in “Saved by the Bell”. He and I were like John Belushi and Steve McQueen. I used to hang out with him all the time. And he’s a dick. I tell you if they ever stop making “Saved by the Bell”, he’s screwed. Seriously, he can never be re-integrated into normal society. His celebrity and career have deranged him. He used to be just a funny kid with a good sense of humour, but he’s been doing this so long he’s made himself mental. You know, he pays for the production of that show himself, just to keep his crooked little fantasy world alive. Freak.
...Were cruel to an animal?
Murdoc: I’ve been stuck with this animal cruelty rap ever since they put on our first press release that I used to set fire to cats, so I’d like to set the record straight. I’ve never done that. All I used to do was put extra hot zingy sauce on their arses and watch them dance. The sauce is a combination of Tabasco, extra hot chili, and Dijon mustard, but I wouldn’t recommend you eat it because it’s a bit stingy.
...Abused technology?
Murdoc: Online Pictionary, knobs, stereo, and hamburger. Let me explain. 2-D and I were at the studio messing about on the computers. We were playing the online Pictionary game, and 2-D just drew pictures of knobs. I managed to “somehow” get every game right. First, I guessed “stereo”, then “hamburgers”. All the other people in the online room couldn’t understand how we were doing it. Very funny.
...Made an ass of yourself?
Russel: Well, Muds made a complete ass of himself when D12 came to our studio to lay down some rhymes on a new track. Everything was cool, they’d laid down their kick-ass vocals, and Bizarre and I had got to ordering dinner. Just then, Murdoc stumbled in with twelve bottles of Cristal, which he drank himself, then kicked 2-D out of the vocal booth and wailed like a small trapped boy for five hours. It was as cringe-worthy as watching an episode of America’s Stupidest Idiots, but I knew the fool involved. Nobody was impressed.
...Picked a fight?
2-D: Noodle's normally really calm, but just recently she’s started to go off the rails a bit. She was in a store, Hamleys, in London. It’s a toy store. This security guard came up to her and, because she’s small, he must have thought she was one of the toys. He picked her up to put her back on the shelf, but Noodle went absolutely ballistic. She used all these special Kung-fu kicks and Samurai pressure pinches and almost hospitalized the poor guard. But weirdly, no one knows why she went so violent. Not even herself. She doesn’t remember any of it.
...Bought a girlie mag? Which one?
2-D: I bought Hot for Teacher by Van Halen, Centerfold by J. Geils Band, Big Bottom Girls by Queen, and She’s Got Legs by ZZ Top from the bargain bin in the local charity shop.
Murdoc: Yes, and I spilled my Pearl Jam all over the Moulin Rouge girls, but luckily Lady Marmalade managed to clean it all up. I think it was P!nk.
...Wore women's clothing? What did you wear?
Russel :I’d leave that kind of thing to OutKast as a rule, but we recently had to do a fancy dress photo shoot and I picked out a fly pair of diamante shoes, a neat little dress, and a long blonde wig. 2-D refused to get changed into his costume though. What was that all about. 'D?
...Prayed? For what?
Murdoc: Praying is useless, in the words of MC Hammer, “You gotta pray just to make it today”, and he hasn’t had a single out in ages. He wants to get up off of his knees and get back in the studio.
...Lost your car?
Murdoc: Everyone knows that some panhead knicked my Winnebago, but that’s nothing. The record company bought 2-D a car and he swapped it down the market for some beans. Don’t expect some magical happy-ever-after beanstalk-type story to follow this either. It was tins of Baked Beans from the supermarket, the idiot!
...Sang along?
Murdoc: I got into an argument about reality with Damon Albarn. He’s been telling people that he invented us, but I had to point out that I’ve sold more records than him. Just to wind him up, I sang the chorus of his only state-side hit Song 2 and pointed out that he’d nicked it from Elton John and Kiki Dee’s Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.
...Were blown away by something?
2-D: The ending of my new Nancy Drew and the Hard Chubby Cock Boys book Secret of the Midnight Jut Emission was amazing. Boy! I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who hasn’t read that one, but who could have guessed the riddle of the crusty bedside tissue from its original appearance in the story?
...Laughed so hard it hurt?
Murdoc: Ironically, the last time I laughed until it hurt was the time I ate so much asparagus that it made my piss stink so bad that my eyes began to water. I don’t know what hurt more, the laughter or the cystitis. Funny that.
...Had to kiss somebody's ass?
Murdoc: I didn’t have to, I wanted to.
...Fantasized about someone?
2-D: I dreamt that I was stuck on the raft from Destiny’s Child's Survivor video with Beyonce and Tina Turner, they were trying to get me to learn a dance routine but I couldn’t move because I had stiffy. When I woke up, I realized that I’d nodded off at this fancy dress photo shoot we were doing.
Threw up? What happened?
2-D: Murdoc took me to our local pub, “The Sore Wrist”. We’d drunk three pints of Jägermeister but had sensibly followed it with a lager chaser. Everything was going fine until I noticed the bar snacks. My mum always told me not to eat bar nuts because she said they are covered with an average of fifteen different people’s piss because no one washes their hands after they’ve been. Anyway, I don’t know if it was the eleventh or fourteenth person's wee that did it, but I barely had time to make it into the toilets before I threw up everywhere. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry that I didn’t notice that there was a guy sitting on the toilet when chucked up. I just kicked the door open and projectile vomited.
...Blacked out? How did it happen?
Murdoc: I don’t know about blackouts but if Russel keeps eating at the rate he does right now, he’s likely to reach critical mass, implode, and create a black hole.
...Shagged a groupie? Explain.
Murdoc: I used to knock off Kate Moss. I called her Kate Boss because her eyes go in different directions, which is the secret behind why she’s so photogenic just like Liam Gallagher, but you can take this too far. Just look at Marty Feldman and Shirley Manson.
...Felt like you were a cynical marketing ploy?
2-D: I think the ploy of standing around and frowning at farmers until they stop growing meat is really horrible. That’s not a very productive approach to the world meat thesis, is it? It’s just being cynical and criticizing their markets. My ploy would be this; get a table with some fruit, peppers and carrots and shit, then you just try and sell them. To stop the rot and break the mold, thus markletablising the conviviality. It’s easy, if you want a stable market, put stabilizers on it. And if you don’t want your cash to flow, stop flushing it down the toilet.
Murdoc: Stop now, you’re out of your league. Here’s a fiver, sod off down the pub.
...Wished you were a human band?
Murdoc: Are you kidding? There are twenty million human bands, most people I know are in at least five, and they’re all rubbish and they’re all struggling. There’s just the one animated band, and we’re picking up more awards than Robert Downey Jr. picks up soap.
2-D: I saw this wicked video the other day that had a potato with teeth and a turnip in it and was a bit jealous.
...Got wasted? On what?
Murdoc: I used to drink with Dustin Diamond, the guy who plays Screech in “Saved by the Bell”. He and I were like John Belushi and Steve McQueen. I used to hang out with him all the time. And he’s a dick. I tell you if they ever stop making “Saved by the Bell”, he’s screwed. Seriously, he can never be re-integrated into normal society. His celebrity and career have deranged him. He used to be just a funny kid with a good sense of humour, but he’s been doing this so long he’s made himself mental. You know, he pays for the production of that show himself, just to keep his crooked little fantasy world alive. Freak.
...Were cruel to an animal?
Murdoc: I’ve been stuck with this animal cruelty rap ever since they put on our first press release that I used to set fire to cats, so I’d like to set the record straight. I’ve never done that. All I used to do was put extra hot zingy sauce on their arses and watch them dance. The sauce is a combination of Tabasco, extra hot chili, and Dijon mustard, but I wouldn’t recommend you eat it because it’s a bit stingy.
...Abused technology?
Murdoc: Online Pictionary, knobs, stereo, and hamburger. Let me explain. 2-D and I were at the studio messing about on the computers. We were playing the online Pictionary game, and 2-D just drew pictures of knobs. I managed to “somehow” get every game right. First, I guessed “stereo”, then “hamburgers”. All the other people in the online room couldn’t understand how we were doing it. Very funny.
...Made an ass of yourself?
Russel: Well, Muds made a complete ass of himself when D12 came to our studio to lay down some rhymes on a new track. Everything was cool, they’d laid down their kick-ass vocals, and Bizarre and I had got to ordering dinner. Just then, Murdoc stumbled in with twelve bottles of Cristal, which he drank himself, then kicked 2-D out of the vocal booth and wailed like a small trapped boy for five hours. It was as cringe-worthy as watching an episode of America’s Stupidest Idiots, but I knew the fool involved. Nobody was impressed.
...Picked a fight?
2-D: Noodle's normally really calm, but just recently she’s started to go off the rails a bit. She was in a store, Hamleys, in London. It’s a toy store. This security guard came up to her and, because she’s small, he must have thought she was one of the toys. He picked her up to put her back on the shelf, but Noodle went absolutely ballistic. She used all these special Kung-fu kicks and Samurai pressure pinches and almost hospitalized the poor guard. But weirdly, no one knows why she went so violent. Not even herself. She doesn’t remember any of it.
...Bought a girlie mag? Which one?
2-D: I bought Hot for Teacher by Van Halen, Centerfold by J. Geils Band, Big Bottom Girls by Queen, and She’s Got Legs by ZZ Top from the bargain bin in the local charity shop.
Murdoc: Yes, and I spilled my Pearl Jam all over the Moulin Rouge girls, but luckily Lady Marmalade managed to clean it all up. I think it was P!nk.
...Wore women's clothing? What did you wear?
Russel :I’d leave that kind of thing to OutKast as a rule, but we recently had to do a fancy dress photo shoot and I picked out a fly pair of diamante shoes, a neat little dress, and a long blonde wig. 2-D refused to get changed into his costume though. What was that all about. 'D?
...Prayed? For what?
Murdoc: Praying is useless, in the words of MC Hammer, “You gotta pray just to make it today”, and he hasn’t had a single out in ages. He wants to get up off of his knees and get back in the studio.
...Lost your car?
Murdoc: Everyone knows that some panhead knicked my Winnebago, but that’s nothing. The record company bought 2-D a car and he swapped it down the market for some beans. Don’t expect some magical happy-ever-after beanstalk-type story to follow this either. It was tins of Baked Beans from the supermarket, the idiot!
...Sang along?
Murdoc: I got into an argument about reality with Damon Albarn. He’s been telling people that he invented us, but I had to point out that I’ve sold more records than him. Just to wind him up, I sang the chorus of his only state-side hit Song 2 and pointed out that he’d nicked it from Elton John and Kiki Dee’s Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.
...Were blown away by something?
2-D: The ending of my new Nancy Drew and the Hard Chubby Cock Boys book Secret of the Midnight Jut Emission was amazing. Boy! I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who hasn’t read that one, but who could have guessed the riddle of the crusty bedside tissue from its original appearance in the story?
...Laughed so hard it hurt?
Murdoc: Ironically, the last time I laughed until it hurt was the time I ate so much asparagus that it made my piss stink so bad that my eyes began to water. I don’t know what hurt more, the laughter or the cystitis. Funny that.
...Had to kiss somebody's ass?
Murdoc: I didn’t have to, I wanted to.
...Fantasized about someone?
2-D: I dreamt that I was stuck on the raft from Destiny’s Child's Survivor video with Beyonce and Tina Turner, they were trying to get me to learn a dance routine but I couldn’t move because I had stiffy. When I woke up, I realized that I’d nodded off at this fancy dress photo shoot we were doing.