Extra Questions
Smash Hits, June 2001
What's your opinion on the state of pop today?
Russel: There has always been wack music made for kiddies' parties with no other aim in mind than to make a fast buck for soulless record companies, now ain't any different from any other time. We ain’t about relieving the world's children of their hard-earned wages from their paper rounds for empty pap passed off as pop!
2D: I had a paper round once, but I hated it! I was only doing it for the Christmas tips and let me tell you, it was freezing out there on my bike at six ‘o'clock in the morning! Anyway, I didn’t get any tips, so from then on I started sticking all of the papers under the ice on the paddling pool down the park. I got the sack after that.
What do you think of Robbie Williams?
2D: He's got really hairy hands! I used to love him in Mork and Mindy, but I don't know if any of your readers will remember that program, he played Popeye too. He's had a really long career starting off as an insecure show-off high on drugs with a massive ego and he's remained consistent, really stuck to his guns. He has a tendency to get a bit fat and cuddly, doesn't he?
Murdoc: Bang on, numb nuts! You're getting better at this sort of thing.
Geri Halliwell?
Murdoc: She’s a megalomaniac with all of the juice sucked out!
Russel: Look who’s talking!
S Club 7?
Murdoc: What does the S stand for again?
2D: Secret, isn't it!?
Murdoc: Secret? What kind of secret? Like, wetting the bed or knicking sweets? Is that what they are all about? I should start paying more attention to them in that case.
Britney?
Russel: Hey Murdoc, I was watching "Rock Stars Cribs" on MTV the other day, and that dude Ozzy Osbourne who you are always going on about said that he liked her boobies! Is that what you see in her?
Murdoc: Leave it out Russel, who do you think I am? Fred flippin’ Durst?
Westlife?
Murdoc: I'm not gonna even contemplate that gaggle of butt ends! Pop music can be a glorious, uplifting, life-affirming revelation for the senses or it can be a calculated soul-less burden upon pocket money of the youth all around the world, and I think it's pretty clear what category this lot falls into!
Hear'Say?
Murdoc: Nice photos of them in Marie Claire the other day!
Russel: I rest my case! All you young girls out there, be warned, steer well clear of dodgy old green-toothed rockers like this one!
Ronan?
2D: I saw that the other day, it's not the best De Niro film but it's better than Jacknife, that's rubbish!
Would any of you have auditioned for Popstars?
2D: No way, José! My cousin auditioned for an episode of Casualty once, he was going for the part of a crusty old road protester who gets crushed by a J.C.B. and ends up, funnily enough, having to have a “Bypass” operation!
What are Gorillaz bringing to pop?
Russel: We’re bringing some sorely needed integrity, not to mention some good tunes. We’re here to show the world that a new haircut and the ability to do a dance routine does not a pop star make!
2D: Yeah! We also don’t need to have any fashion dropouts running off to Bond Street, buying up every colour of flip-flop they can lay their hands on then have them call it art, for us!
Murdoc: Well done Stu-Pot! That one was from the heart! It’s a shame that it didn’t consult with your brain before letting rip but never mind!
What do you intend to do to the pop world?
Murdoc: We are about to kick open a new ring piece for the tired old endgame of hackneyed popular music that is comprised of the turgid leftovers from the feeble-minded, consciousness-choking, half-arsed, lowest common denominator dross of last century impotent pretenders to our crown.
In your opinion, do any pop bands deserve punishment for what they do?
Murdoc: I'm sure there's plenty of them who wouldn't dare step foot in the Middle East for fear of having their hands chopped off!
What do you think of Eminem?
2D: I know it's supposed to be really good for you, but having someone stick a tube up your bottom and see all that old pooh come out. Yuck! It just doesn't appeal to me!
Russel: Now you're doing it on purpose, I can't believe you don't know who Eminem is. I thought the Robbie and Ronan ones were quite funny, but you're milking it now and the joke's starting to wear a bit thin! Just calm down and stop showing off!
Murdoc: I dunno Russ, I think it’s the first time the idiot's said anything of any interest or worth. I mean, what opinion can you really have about all of the Muppets we've been asked about so far?
2D: Why have you got to be miserable all the time? I can’t talk to you about anything, it’s always “You’re a Muppet, Stu-Pot” or “Shut up, Stu-Pot”. I’ve always wanted to do an interview for Smash Hits, y’know!? I think it’s really cool. I mean, we’re pop stars, it’s wicked!
Murdoc: You’re just a scab on the top of my stardom. So Stu-Pot, shutit, or I’ll pick you off!
What would you do if he came 'round Kong Studios, waving his chainsaw about?
Murdoc: You've got to admit Russel that a pig piece of poop running around with a chainsaw is a pretty funny image!
Russel: Now who's the idiot?
As a 10-year-old in pop, does Noodle feel any solidarity with Lil' Bow-Wow?
Russel: Lil’ Bow-Wow’s a good kid, listens to what his uncle Snoop has to tell him and that’s cool. Noodle is just like any other ten-year-old guitar heroine, karate master, or Zen adept that you might care to mention. She studies hard and plays hard.
Murdoc: Oh, do shut up Russel, not all Smash Hits readers are dribbling three-year-olds! What’s the matter with you? We’re in a position to redress the encroaching conservatism within pop culture that has slowly gained a foothold over the last two decades and the first chance you get it’s “Listen to Mum, be nice to Gran, teachers are right so do your homework, and don’t kiss anyone until you're married!” Listen, snogging, love bites, and Chinese burns are all cool; and remember, nobody likes a four-eyed brainiac teacher's pet, so bunk off and stay at home watching crappy daytime TV!
2D: Yeah, that stuff is all cool but I always got done if I did any of it, gutted!
Noodle (Translated from Japanese): Blessings are not received twice, and calamities do not occur alone!
Russel: There has always been wack music made for kiddies' parties with no other aim in mind than to make a fast buck for soulless record companies, now ain't any different from any other time. We ain’t about relieving the world's children of their hard-earned wages from their paper rounds for empty pap passed off as pop!
2D: I had a paper round once, but I hated it! I was only doing it for the Christmas tips and let me tell you, it was freezing out there on my bike at six ‘o'clock in the morning! Anyway, I didn’t get any tips, so from then on I started sticking all of the papers under the ice on the paddling pool down the park. I got the sack after that.
What do you think of Robbie Williams?
2D: He's got really hairy hands! I used to love him in Mork and Mindy, but I don't know if any of your readers will remember that program, he played Popeye too. He's had a really long career starting off as an insecure show-off high on drugs with a massive ego and he's remained consistent, really stuck to his guns. He has a tendency to get a bit fat and cuddly, doesn't he?
Murdoc: Bang on, numb nuts! You're getting better at this sort of thing.
Geri Halliwell?
Murdoc: She’s a megalomaniac with all of the juice sucked out!
Russel: Look who’s talking!
S Club 7?
Murdoc: What does the S stand for again?
2D: Secret, isn't it!?
Murdoc: Secret? What kind of secret? Like, wetting the bed or knicking sweets? Is that what they are all about? I should start paying more attention to them in that case.
Britney?
Russel: Hey Murdoc, I was watching "Rock Stars Cribs" on MTV the other day, and that dude Ozzy Osbourne who you are always going on about said that he liked her boobies! Is that what you see in her?
Murdoc: Leave it out Russel, who do you think I am? Fred flippin’ Durst?
Westlife?
Murdoc: I'm not gonna even contemplate that gaggle of butt ends! Pop music can be a glorious, uplifting, life-affirming revelation for the senses or it can be a calculated soul-less burden upon pocket money of the youth all around the world, and I think it's pretty clear what category this lot falls into!
Hear'Say?
Murdoc: Nice photos of them in Marie Claire the other day!
Russel: I rest my case! All you young girls out there, be warned, steer well clear of dodgy old green-toothed rockers like this one!
Ronan?
2D: I saw that the other day, it's not the best De Niro film but it's better than Jacknife, that's rubbish!
Would any of you have auditioned for Popstars?
2D: No way, José! My cousin auditioned for an episode of Casualty once, he was going for the part of a crusty old road protester who gets crushed by a J.C.B. and ends up, funnily enough, having to have a “Bypass” operation!
What are Gorillaz bringing to pop?
Russel: We’re bringing some sorely needed integrity, not to mention some good tunes. We’re here to show the world that a new haircut and the ability to do a dance routine does not a pop star make!
2D: Yeah! We also don’t need to have any fashion dropouts running off to Bond Street, buying up every colour of flip-flop they can lay their hands on then have them call it art, for us!
Murdoc: Well done Stu-Pot! That one was from the heart! It’s a shame that it didn’t consult with your brain before letting rip but never mind!
What do you intend to do to the pop world?
Murdoc: We are about to kick open a new ring piece for the tired old endgame of hackneyed popular music that is comprised of the turgid leftovers from the feeble-minded, consciousness-choking, half-arsed, lowest common denominator dross of last century impotent pretenders to our crown.
In your opinion, do any pop bands deserve punishment for what they do?
Murdoc: I'm sure there's plenty of them who wouldn't dare step foot in the Middle East for fear of having their hands chopped off!
What do you think of Eminem?
2D: I know it's supposed to be really good for you, but having someone stick a tube up your bottom and see all that old pooh come out. Yuck! It just doesn't appeal to me!
Russel: Now you're doing it on purpose, I can't believe you don't know who Eminem is. I thought the Robbie and Ronan ones were quite funny, but you're milking it now and the joke's starting to wear a bit thin! Just calm down and stop showing off!
Murdoc: I dunno Russ, I think it’s the first time the idiot's said anything of any interest or worth. I mean, what opinion can you really have about all of the Muppets we've been asked about so far?
2D: Why have you got to be miserable all the time? I can’t talk to you about anything, it’s always “You’re a Muppet, Stu-Pot” or “Shut up, Stu-Pot”. I’ve always wanted to do an interview for Smash Hits, y’know!? I think it’s really cool. I mean, we’re pop stars, it’s wicked!
Murdoc: You’re just a scab on the top of my stardom. So Stu-Pot, shutit, or I’ll pick you off!
What would you do if he came 'round Kong Studios, waving his chainsaw about?
Murdoc: You've got to admit Russel that a pig piece of poop running around with a chainsaw is a pretty funny image!
Russel: Now who's the idiot?
As a 10-year-old in pop, does Noodle feel any solidarity with Lil' Bow-Wow?
Russel: Lil’ Bow-Wow’s a good kid, listens to what his uncle Snoop has to tell him and that’s cool. Noodle is just like any other ten-year-old guitar heroine, karate master, or Zen adept that you might care to mention. She studies hard and plays hard.
Murdoc: Oh, do shut up Russel, not all Smash Hits readers are dribbling three-year-olds! What’s the matter with you? We’re in a position to redress the encroaching conservatism within pop culture that has slowly gained a foothold over the last two decades and the first chance you get it’s “Listen to Mum, be nice to Gran, teachers are right so do your homework, and don’t kiss anyone until you're married!” Listen, snogging, love bites, and Chinese burns are all cool; and remember, nobody likes a four-eyed brainiac teacher's pet, so bunk off and stay at home watching crappy daytime TV!
2D: Yeah, that stuff is all cool but I always got done if I did any of it, gutted!
Noodle (Translated from Japanese): Blessings are not received twice, and calamities do not occur alone!